Why Willpower Continues to Fail You

We all want more self-control. Temptation would disappear and we could pursue our healthy diets with ease. But something works against our better judgement. Our good intentions are ignored and replaced by decisions we will later regret.

Why do we sometimes act in alignment with our better judgments and sometimes fail to do so? Why do we finally break down and eat the treat? Why do self-control and willpower fail us?


Willpower is not a test of character. It is not something you have or don’t have. Decades of research shows it is a resource that can be used up and restored. It is in short supply physiologically. Like electrolytes after an hour of sweating, your willpower can become depleted. When you restrict a food, like cake, then every time you see cake you have to use willpower to avoid it. Say you are at a wedding where the cake is predominately displayed and you keep catching it out of the corner of your eye. Each time you see and avoid the cake you have to use willpower. The first time is easy. But the sixth and seventh times, that is where the challenge begins. Finally you break down and eat a piece. You feel defeated. How can it be that difficult to not eat something?

Fixating on a food you can’t have only makes you want it more. Your mind naturally goes to the thing you deny yourself. Kind of like when you try avoiding an ex-boyfriend and all you think about is calling him. A mind-set of restriction breeds stress. The morning is typically the least stressful moment of your day and decisions are less complicated. Sleep resets your willpower levels. Then after a long day of restricting and other stressors taxing your mind, willpower is close to depletion.

Willpower is not a virtue. It is a mind-body response that can be improved with nutrition, sleep, exercise, mindfulness and proper body functioning.

What makes self control so complicated is distractions. We are all surrounded by distractions and do many small mental tasks throughout the day that deplete our brains of available glucose. This glucose depletion also decreases our capacity for responsible decision-making.

So then how do we prevent distractions? It seems that the people with the best self-control are the ones who have set-up their lives to minimize temptation. You have to design your life in a way that allows little room for willpower.

Begin to understand how you make decisions. Pay attention to your daily routines and habits. This study groups people into four personality categories that are determined by how individuals make decisions.

Do you follow the same routine each morning? Do you eat the same foods everyday? How do you decide to exercise? Is it programed into your weekly schedule or do you question it each day after work?

Some people have to make exercise a daily habit or they’ll never do it. Others need a friend for accountability. And then some have to make it a competition, where the losing stakes are high. The same goes for food. If you know you will be tempted by cookies in your house, then you know you can not buy them. Current mood can play a big role in how you respond to food as well.  At the end of an emotional, frustrating day you reach for comfort food that is likely unhealthy.

You are the best person to inform your life. Embrace and work within your constraints. Create a set of rules to live by and your need for willpower dwindles.

Your personality can fight FOR or against weight loss.

Through self-knowledge, you will see how to work for your best self. It takes embracing the things you dislike, accepting that you want to improve and loving yourself where you are right now. There are many only guides to help you in your jurney, learn more here

Eating is influenced far less by self-control than by other lifestyle factors. The people around you and your environment have a powerful influence on your food choices.

So you’re working in an office that keeps candy in the break room and your colleagues eat bad take-out for lunch, then your work life is set up for temptation. Then you go home and your kitchen is filled with chips, cookies and frozen pizza. All that avoidance is taxing your willpower reserves and making it close to impossible to stay within a healthy diet.

Take a look at your work and home environments. How are they set-up for success? 

Friends and family can complicate your weight loss goals too. It is the people around you that most strongly influence your diet and habits.  And that is of course human nature. We want to fit in, be accepted and feel a sense of belonging. Food is communal, it builds bonds with others and when you step away from that, it can be painfully isolating. Your family may connect each night over bowls of ice cream, but that food is not aligned with your health values. It will take a heavy dose of willpower to avoid that treat.

In an ideal world we would all eat with healthy eaters, never have processed foods in our presence and live without temptation. Since that isn’t likely, you have to set yourself up for success in the best way possible. Maybe at work you move your desk so you never pass the break room and at home you have a bowl of fruit ready for those ice cream nights.

There are ways to create environments that limit exposure to anything distracting or draining. 

Self-control depends on circumstances not ability. When you’re surrounded by better choices, it’s a lot easier to make a good one. Allow your environment and the people in your life to help you create healthy habit forming.

You can’t demand excessive willpower. Our biology can work against us in powerful ways and we have to work with our mind and body to achieve the health we desire.

By listening to yourself, learning from your habits and following a healthy lifestyle (enough sleep, balanced nutrition, exercise and mindfulness for proper body functioning) you set-up a life that requires less self-control. You are in command of your choices.


What works for you?  How do your habits help with self-control?



Can Dieting Shorten Your Life?

How many people do you know who are trying to lose weight? I bet you can name at least five in your close circle. The numbers are staggering. Our culture is obsessed with weight loss. Yet out of those people trying to lose weight, there is a 95 percent chance they will gain it back within a year. Many live their entire lives this way, a constant weight cycle. What are the real consequences to this yo-yo dieting?

Whether it’s societal pressure, personal body shaming issues or a health concern prescribed by a doctor, the weight loss game is always a battle. People are impatient and most often go the drastic calorie cutting route. The body reacts by going into starvation mode, slowing metabolism, holding onto weight and then finally giving into the body’s signals and binging on a huge meal. Millions of years of evolution has programed us to eat as much as we can since we don’t know when the next meal is coming. You can only fight biology for so long. When our bodies are denied calories, biology pushes back.

Deprivation diets don’t work.
Our body fights it. Our brains fight it. Our environment fights it.

Once the mini-starvation diet is over, the body will actually want more food causing us to gain back all the weight plus a little more. And then the cycle begins again. 

Dieting causes a stress response, releasing the hormone cortisol into the bloodstream. Little moments of worry about your body image or the calories you’re eating add up throughout the day. Each time you step on the scale and you disagree with the results, cortisol is reaching a new level. As it rises so does a long list of health consequences.

High cortisol levels raise susceptibility to infections, decrease bone density, increase blood pressure and damage blood vessels. The body also becomes more insulin resistant and any increased fat gets stored in the abdomen, which is known as cortisol belly.

The most worrisome consequence from dieting is it’s impact on telomeres. Telomeres are protective caps at the end of chromosomes that affect a person’s lifespan. Every time a cell divides, telomeres get shorter and lifespan shortens as well. The more cortisol people release in response to stress, the shorter their telomeres. Chronic dieters are shown to have shorter telomeres than non-dieters.

Weight cycling or yo-yo dieting has been shown to increase risk of illness and death.

This shortened life span is even regardless of other lifestyle choices. A person can be healthy in all other aspects of their life. Yet if they’ve spent years shedding and gaining fifteen to twenty pounds, their life expectancy can be negatively impacted. Keep in mind this is based on early research studies but it’s still alarming.

It is possible that the stress from dieting may accelerate the aging process.

Weight maintenance takes a real understanding and connection with your body.
Ask these questions:

►When do you feel your best?
►What does it take for my body to function optimally? 
►How do I manage stress and reach mental clarity?

Through a deeper understanding of your body’s inner workings, you’ll be able to find your body’s comfortable, healthy weight.

It is also important to mention that your “ideal” weight may not be aligned with your healthy weight. A BMI score is not a measure of health. If you’ve been 120 pounds your entire life but battle to stay there then you may be physically content gaining five to ten pounds. A large percentage of people fall under the overweight category and are perfectly healthy. What if the BMI measure of “overweight” is that person’s healthy weight? Many studies are finding this to be true.

►Keep a food journal – Tracking your food intake and portion sizes is a mindful practice that will show you how much food your body needs.
►Eat three meals per day and minimize snacking
►Be mindful of portion sizes
►Listen to your brain’s fed signals. It takes 20 minutes after a meal to feel that “full feeling.” If you’re still hungry, wait 20 minutes then decide on seconds.
Set weigh-in dates – I say this cautiously and only for those without a current eating disorder. Having a weekly date with the scale can be a good check-in for consistency.
Be patient – It took me two years to figure out the right portion sizes for my comfortable body weight.
Manage stress – Meditation, exercise, deep breathing, mantras, affirmations and gratitude practices can help. Find what works for you and do it weekly.
Eat and enjoy food. Deprivation is not the answer.

Slowly back away from quick-fix solutions. Give up the diet cycle and move forward into a long, healthy life.

Secrets from the Eating Lab: The Science of Weight Loss, the Myth of Willpower, and Why You Should Never Diet Again by Traci Mann

Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives by Gretchen Rubin